I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
