on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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