u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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