We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
