i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
