Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
