I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
