The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
