The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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