Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
did i walk over a car last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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