Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just invented taco cereal.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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