I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
