So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the condom got lost in my hair
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
