You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
