Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
