"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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