I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
