a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
