I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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