She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
