I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
