I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
