I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
