between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
