a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
