I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
