We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
