I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
