maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
