he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
