I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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