My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
