oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
