She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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