Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
