Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
