why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
