im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my sisters under your porch take her home
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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