I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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