I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
