I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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