woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
