I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
