so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
