Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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