Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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