I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
