he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
