I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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