Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
