He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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