none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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