Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
