think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
