We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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