from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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