i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
