I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"