I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"