I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice