Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize