Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
