dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
