And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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