It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
