So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
