people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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