Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize