I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
