never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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