and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
