so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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