It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
