toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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