Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
