people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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