Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
