when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
