I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
