he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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